What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.

For want of anything terribly significant to say at the moment, I thought it appropriate to give a couple of explanations of some of the perhaps more ‘uncommon’ terms used in last Friday’s entry, in which I introduced my illustrious co-workers – who so sacrificially served as the committee for selecting the finalists for the squirrel naming contest.

Term #1: Nutdust (motionlesswheel’s nomination for a squirrel name)

Isn’t the word self-explanatory?



OK…next time you buy a jar of honey roasted peanuts (I think this applies to all cans and/or jars of nuts, but in my experience, honey roasted peanuts are the ‘dustiest’ variety), note the accumulation of a ‘dust-like’ substance at the bottom, once your container of nuts has been emptied. THAT’s ‘nutdust.’ Since I’m assuming you’ve had nothing else in your nut can/jar other than the nuts that came in it and your fingers (which I’m SURE you WASHED before dipping into the nuts…) what ELSE would you call it?!

It seems that my co-workers had never heard the term before I used it one day in conversation…quite innocently I may add. And when they did, they thought it was hilarious. Well, whatever floats your boat…it’s a perfectly legitimate and logical term for a very real phenomenon.

To my knowledge, a street value for nutdust has not yet been determined. As of now, it seems one may acquire their own supply of nutdust by simply purchasing a jar of honey roasted peanuts. Most of the folk who have volunteered to test its recreational properties in snorting samples, were left unable to talk for some time afterward. That sounds very promising. Perhaps the effects will be more tolerable if rolled and smoked. When it has been determined which method is most appropriate for enjoying this new ‘discovery,’ and word gets out as to this most recent addition to the recreational drug scene, costs will likely spike to all-time highs. BUY YOUR NUTS NOW…while you still can.

Term #2: Keeper of the Nuts



Why do we call Mary the ‘Keeper of the Nuts?’ Well, Mary’s cubicle is a short walking distance from my own, and she has volunteered to keep my nuts in her cabinet, as I have very little self-control. Should I keep my nuts in my own work area, I would clean out the entire jar by the end of the day and soon weigh too much to get in the door…hence I would lose my job and starve. However, being the classy and style conscious lady that she is, the term ‘Keeper of the Nuts’ seemed slightly uncouth to Mary, so she has stated her preference for the title ‘Lady of the Legumes.’

May I just say that Mary does a very praiseworthy job of guarding our department’s nuts. Every workplace should have a trustworthy Keeper of the Nuts and/or Lady (or Gentleman) of the Legumes.

There you have it…the origin of the term nutdust. Coming soon to a dictionary and drug dealer near you. And now that you have been enlightened to the inherent dangers in nut-keeping, perhaps this story has inspired you to crown your own ‘Keeper of the Nuts.’

So…you’ve actually made it to the end of this absurd entry? Are you NUTS?!